Romance tropes I'm not in love with
As a longtime reader of romance, I naturally have preferences about what I enjoy in my books, same as everyone else. This isn't meant to be some sort of revelatory list full of deep insight, but just a share-out of what makes me choose to keep reading a book, and what makes me DNF it.
I do want to issue a disclaimer, though, that it's a list that comes from a longtime relationship with the genre. I don't think it's fair to be the sort of person who scoffs at romance, who doesn't take it seriously or see the good in the genre or has read it extensively in good faith (hate-reading doesn't count), and THEN come up with a list of what's not great about it--I'm making this list BECAUSE I love reading romance, and I want to see the good things get better, and the bad things decrease.
So without further ado... romance tropes (or even just literary/fiction tropes) that I'm not in love with, in no particular order:
Racial insensitivity - This one is a "duh," but what is not so obvious is how it might show up. I'll give you some examples, without naming the authors or the books:
- A book where the main character is a white girl, and she has "endearingly" nicknamed her large Black male neighbor "Gorilla"
- A book where the presumably-white female MC describes a man she's checking out as Latino and then interjects a Muy caliente! to further emphasize her point
- A book where the Other Woman is described as Asian, meek/docile, and is basically just a sex object for the man who's having an affair with her, and has no other personality or even any dialogue.
Am I calling these authors racist and demanding that they be cancelled? Of course not. But as a person of color, I have every right to close that book and move on. Especially when there are plenty of writers (of all races) who don't do this kind of thing (personally, I'd rather read a book with all-white people living in a monoracial bubble than read an author's poor attempt at diversity), and who don't respond with "Well, I can't win either way, so if you want to read better representation, you should write that book yourself!" when politely asked about it. (Yes, that happened, and I don't read that author anymore. For the record, I DO write things just for myself that I'm interested in reading, and even if I wanted to publish it, I would have a much harder time as a person of color--the systemic racism of the publishing industry is wellllllll documented.)
This is not solely a romance problem, but whereas I am seeing a major revolution in YA writing of publishing and promoting diverse voices, I see that less so in romance.
The catty, crazy, jealous ex/competition - I really hate this one because it is ungenerous to women in a world that seems constantly at the ready to find the most ungenerous ways to view women.
I'm sure there may actually be women who are catty to each other who possessive and jealous of their current/former /hopeful love interests. I'm sure there may actually be women out there who respond to romantic competition by behaving in ways that are grossly inappropriate to the situation. But you know what? I don't care to read it. These women as they are written come across as one-dimensional. They come across not as real people, but as plot devices (because that's how they're being used). They are painted wholly as villains and treated without any compassion--no one comes into this world behaving that way--in real life, people who behave this way do so as a response to how they've been treated or raised.
I also don't love reading YA books about mean girls, by the way. Fiction is a world where we can create ANYTHING, and in a world where we can create ANYTHING, let's not create people like that. I'm not saying all people have to be happy and goodness and light; but if we are trying to be "realistic," then make those characters actual real people with real feelings instead of just being flat stereotypes to serve your plot needs.
Love and sex are only for the young - I don't know if it's just the suggestions I get (from algorithms, not people), but for a while there, every single hero and heroine in the books I was reading was between the ages of 18-28. (Sometimes the men might be in their 30s, but not that often, and they were NOT courting women their own age.) I know that the idea of first love usually happens during those years, and that's what people love writing about, but I love the idea of reading about older people finding love (again) in their older years.
I know those books are out there, because I recently read some! Olivia Dade has a really great series where they are alllll in their 40s! The idea that we as older people (I'm not even 40 yet, seriously) are still capable of hope and love and passion and positive changes, even after we have "come of age," is such a beautiful one.
Love and sex are only for the beautiful - Speaking of Olivia Dade, her heroines are also fat. I say that not as disparagement, but as objective description. Sometimes authors will describe their heroines as "curvy," but curvy doesn't always equate to plus-sized--it just means that their heroines are lighter-weight, probably have a flat stomach, but have an hourglass figure. And the men in romance novels are like, always super muscular and gigantic.
And I guess this is fine if your purpose for writing/reading romance is fantasy fulfillment? As a society, we are conditioned to picture model-like men and women for sexual fantasy. But obviously this is fantasy and not reality, because in real life, plenty of people of all shapes and sizes fall in love with and feel attraction to plenty of other people of all shapes and sizes. And plenty of people fall in love with people and not merely their bodies, despite the fact that popular media loves to show headless torsos in ads.
Alpha males - To clarify, I define this as men who are domineering and controlling, who are take-charge and aggressive in their romantic and sexual pursuits. I'm supposing that this is named for the idea of an alpha male in a wolf pack, who leads everyone else, but seeing as how this type of hierarchy is not something that actually happens with wolf packs in the wild, it's actually kind of a myth. (I won't deep-dive into animal behaviorism here, mostly because I'm not THAT educated about it, but from what I read, it's something exhibited by wolves in captivity because they're vying for limited resources.)
ANYWAY, some women like men like this, but I'm not into it. The idea of an Alpha male isn't inherently problematic (? I'm not sure), but depending on how it's written, it definitely could be, because then you get examples of men who ignore boundaries, don't care about consent, and are possibly downright abusive. But they get excused for their behavior because REALLY DEEP DOWN THEY ARE IN LUV WITH THE WOMAN, or the woman is just so HOT for him that she goes along with it. (Note: I do not consider this the same thing as someone being Dominant, because that is a specific context where there are rules.)
(Warning for potential trigger in this next paragraph)
*****
Like, I read a majorly popular romance series several years ago where the man quite literally grabs the woman by the you-know-what, but after her initial shock, she starts enjoying herself? So all is forgiven? And this is after she's already spent the first part of the book being growled at and emotionally pushed away. And then even after they have their happy ending, he's still SUPER growly and possessive about anyone going near his woman.
*****
(End warning)
So yeah, I'm just not into that. Again, in a world where we can create anything, why does the vast majority of the men we create need to be hyper-masculine, incapable of recognizing and appropriately managing their emotions, and disrespectful of a woman's boundaries and agency?
This is not a complete list, and it's also not particularly a hot take or anything--I'm sure many people are bothered by the same things--but they are definitely things that would cause me to consider not finishing a book and trying to find something else to read. Because, ultimately, reading is what I do for fun, and if the book I'm reading is not enjoyable and really pinging some red flags, why keep reading it?